


What I'm looking for

by Kibounohane



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, NewS (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 12:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20907434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kibounohane/pseuds/Kibounohane
Summary: "What's wrong, Shige?" Tegoshi asks, looking up from his game in his seat as the other man growls loudly in frustration, shutting down his laptop.





	What I'm looking for

"What's wrong, Shige?" Tegoshi asks, looking up from his game in his seat as the other man growls loudly in frustration, shutting down his laptop.  
  
"I want to properly write without my hormones getting in the way, and I also want to cherish the time with you without having my dick getting in the way too much," Shige explains and Tegoshi figures it would be appropriate to pause his game. He slides his headset on his shoulders and crosses his legs.  
  
"Having hormones is normal," he says and Shige frowns, turning around in his seat, gaze to the ceiling.  
  
"I know. I just. I kind of want to want you for who you are, not because I want to stick it somewhere."  
  
"I feel happy you say this, but don't be so hard on yourself. If it helps, fuck me hard once, then have sex with me again, but then, make love to me. Do it after the first round when the first pressure has been taken care of."  
  
"I don't know if I can call it making love if I don't love.... It sounds weird, right? I don't know if I have such a feeling, but I like that idea," Shige says, "but it puts people off apparently if you tell them bluntly you don't feel something but want to do something. But I want to do that. I also want to be able to cuddle with you or hold you without feeling the urge to jump you everytime."  
  
Tegoshi puts the headset aside. "I'm trying to follow what you want to say but I am not sure I understand."  
  
"I cannot explain it properly now. I will try to think about it and tell you later, okay?"  
  
Tegoshi nods.  
  
+++  
  
They meet again when their busy schedule allows it, and Shige is not trying to distract himself from his libido like the last times he had before meeting with Tegoshi, which had led to the opposite. This time, he gives in to his desires, whenever possible, and feels a little more relaxed when he opens the door when Tegoshi rings.  
  
Tegoshi is just in a hoodie and jeans, nothing to get too riled up about, then again, it's Tegoshi and Shige is basically attracted to him whatever he is wearing.  
  
They start by watching a DVD, then make out and have their first round and Shige already starts to feel disappointed, like everything would be like it normally is but Tegoshi encourages him to wait and see what happens after he came for the first time.  
  
They lay on the futon spent, naked and panting and Shige feels tingly, but Tegoshi is right, the most intense part has worn off, and he is ready again, but it feels different.  
  
He turns around and smiles at the man next to him, pulling him into an embrace. "I've been wanting to hold you like this just like this for so long, but everytime I started it, it went out of hand. I want to cherish it. I want to express my feelings, also physically, but I don't want to be overridden by them. It feels like I'm loosing my own will, I don't want that."  
  
He nuzzles his nose in Tegoshi's hairline.  
  
"And is it better now?" Tegoshi asks honestly.  
  
"Yeah. I admit I still feel something but it's not as intense as earlier. I want to slowly touch you because it's you, not just because you're there as someone who is willing to get laid."  
  
"I'm both," Tegoshi says, stretching comfortably in Shige's embrace.   
  
Shige lets his fingertip travel along Tegoshi's neck, collarbone and chest along his arms to his navel and back, and Tegoshi purrs softly.  
  
Shige feels the heat rising in his body but he works at playing it low, taking a deep breath before kissing the blondes neck.  
  
"I...I want something meaningful, something you don't do with a random person," he says.  
  
"I feel like you're very much doing that," Tegoshi replies, "you're gentle and I like the way you touch me."  
  
Shige leans halfway up and this time, it's his lips that begin to trace along Tegoshi's skin, he just holds him, and closes his eyes, trying to give comfort and Tegoshi relaxes in his arms.  
  
"I always thought something was wrong with me because it seems I can bond with someone sexually but not more than that. I am curious about the idea of a romantic relationship but I don't seem to manage. My interest decreases or I don't know what they want from me and I feel like they're expecting something of me and that becomes a burden. I like spending my time reading or writing and can't seem to have someone fit in there, yet I have physical needs but people don't seem to understand. I don't want to be called a slut when I just want to be with someone to fool around with. I have always just liked doing it for the sake of it."  
  
"I didn't know you felt this way, Shige-chan," Tegoshi snuggles closer, "but I'm glad you share all this with me. I believe love and desire and such have a lot of shapes and forms and it is just up to you to decide your path."  
  
"I don't know if I can feel romantic love at all, but I know that I want to get physical with you. I do not know what I am. It irritates me. But I know that I like doing this with you."  
  
"It means a lot to me that you can be this open with me."  
  
Shige just takes a deep breath then, holding Tegoshi tighter and running his nose against the other man's shoulder.  
  
"Wanna stay over?" Shige whispers, and Tegoshi nods.  
  
They spend the night together and for the first time, Shige feels that there is no pressure, no expectations, and he can let go with Tegoshi. He feels reassured with him because he knows Tegoshi would openly tell him if things were going in a direction he doesn't like, but for now, he is clearly enjoying Shige's attention, even more because of the things Shige had told him. He's being dragged across the apartment in heat, slammed against the wall and he is welcoming it, tempting Shige with his eyes because he knows the other man isn't able to resist.  
  
Tegoshi likes to get loud, too, and he also does this night, underneath Shige as they made it to the bed, and even though Tegoshi cannot put it into words he feels like he is being made love with without romantic love, but his brain is not working anyway at the moment to process such thoughts so he just enjoys, rolling his hips in a way to guide Shige to where it feels good, his hands on the other man's back, his gasps against his earlobe.  
  
+++  
  
They go out sometimes, to a park or the movies or for drinking, and the more time Shige spends with Tegoshi the more at ease he feels with him. He has always felt like he was lacking something when comparing himself to other people, but now he realizes that is just what works for him and how he is like and that it doesn't have to do with lacking something. Tegoshi tells him again and again that he is happy to spend time with him as he is, and the love making is absolutely incredible, Shige thinks.  
  
"I could keep on living like this. With you, the other two, us, like I have reached a point where I decide this is how I want to live my life," Shige tells him one night as they cuddle on Tegoshi's couch for once.  
  
Tegoshi just smiles and pecks his cheek and Emma hops onto the couch for attention.  
  
Shige pets her and Tegoshi leans his head against his shoulder.  
  
In this very moment, everything feels right and Shige feels a warmth spreading through his heart he cannot name, mixed with contentment, and he knows he has found what he had been looking for.  
  



End file.
